8/2/2023 0 Comments Euphoria party outfit for guysOn my days when gender dysphoria knocks me on my ass, I wail through tears about the unfairness of it all – this body, these thighs, these hips that tell lies and resist the pants that will help me shapeshift in plain sight. I keep it in an album called “euphoria.” It includes this moment and more recent ones – me in my first bowtie at my college graduation, me on my wedding day, me in the mountains with my first jean jacket. This snapshot sits on a shelf in the back of my mind. It wasn’t perfect but middle-school me made it work, and damn - I was fresh. A week later on the first day of school, I stood on the front porch for my first day of school portrait - black overalls, a red camouflage shirt from the Surplus Store’s clearance rack, and some Nike hightops. But, if I couldn’t get my cargo pants, I needed Butters on my feet. I knew Butters were too expensive and too damn impractical for DC’s August heat. My mama had a rule for back-to-school shopping: I got one new reasonably-priced pair of shoes each August. “It’s 90 degrees outside,” she retorted, “and you want some winter boots?” My thighs were still there - flat, wide, jelly-filled abominations rubbing together, wearing my denim and patience thin. “Now, what are these shoes you need?” my mama asked, snapping me out of my pork-filled dreams. Fried or baked, I hated pork chops - especially my own. I imagined my father seasoning them well, topping them with Stove Top boxed stuffing, and baking them while he watched the local evening news in the kitchen. I imagined them fried crispy, drizzled with hot sauce, and paired with green beans and rice. I looked down at my thighs - flat and wide. “You got them porkchop thighs,” Grandma said in our duplex’s living room a few days later. We found the camo easily, but the men’s cargo pants refused to rise above my kneecaps. Other kids’ mamas would’ve taken them to the mall, but mine drove me to the Army surplus store that sat sadly between the Home Depot and Dollar Tree ‘round the corner. In 2000, the category was cargo and camo and so I’d told my mama I had to get cargo pants. The year is 2000 and it’s my favorite time of the year: Back-to-School season. The Autostraddle Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema.LGBTQ Television Guide: What To Watch Now.
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